civ1: once upon a time, in the land of fuzzy creatures, there lived a zombie named devil
civ1: though it sounds terrifying, zombies in the land of fuzzy creatures are simple beings, living out their lives until they decay into nothing
civ1: in fact, in the language of the zombies, "devil" means "child of sweet disposition and eternal love"
civ1: devil was a happy child, always prancing around in the fields of decaying flesh, communing with his ancestors by eating thetm
civ1: by the time he was a mewe 500 years old, he had made friends with many of the creatures in the forest of blood, and he was well-loved for miles around
civ1: one day, devil wandered too far, and lost his way
civ1: for weeks he searched for the way back, crying out for help from his undead creature friends
civ1: he wondered at the green surrounding him, for he had lived his life in a region of eternal decay
civ1: creeping out of the verdant forest, he came to a great expanse of water, the emerald ocean
gaping at the abundance of life and the sparkling green water, he marveled at the new experience, an experience his brain could not cope with
his brain snapped, his brain shutting down to protect him from the overload of information
civ1: once upon a time, in the land of fuzzy creatures, there was a kitty named kitty
civ1: her parents had a really cruel sense of humor
civ1: her full name was kitty kitty kitty the third
civ1: one year, on cuddly creature christmas--the most wonderful time of the year--kitty the kitty was pouncing as mice in the snowy fields near her den, gleefully torturing the poor rodents
civ1: kitty had been a good kitty all year long, and she had left out slabs of meat for santa claws, so he would bring her wonderful gifts like balls of yarn
civ1: the day wore on, and she stumbled to bed, tired after a long cuddly creature christmas eve, and eager to wake up and get her presents the next day
civ1: she curled up and slept like a kitten, which made sense because she was a kitten
civ1: hours later, just after midnight, she was awoken by a loud crash
civ1: "huh?" she mumbled, bleary eyed
civ1: a loud growling groan echoed through the house, and kitty--ever the adventurous feline--ran outside to investigate
civ1: there, on top of the roof, she saw something she never expected: santa claws the tiger had crashlanded her sleigh on top of the roof
civ1: kitty scrambled up the wall and discovered something horrible
civ1: santa claws was still, her neck twisted at an unnatural angle, and her eyes staring blankly into space
civ1: as her shock wore off, kitty began to weep
civ1: her childhood hero, her idol, had died in a horrible way while trying to bring joy to little creatures
civ1: she raged at the reindeer, at the sleigh, at the world, even at santa claws herself
civ1: alone on the rooftop, kitty began to formulate a plan
civ1: determined to right this wrong, kitty swore to deliver the presents herself
civ1: she would be santa claws for a night, and bring joy to all the little creatures
civ1: she hopped into the sleigh, and shouted to the reindeer
civ1: "giddyup you stupid stinky murderers!" she screeched at the top of her little kitten lungs
civ1: the reindeer, snorting with restrained anger, launched themselves into the air
civ1: though she was freezing, kitty rushed from house to den to cave, delivering toys and treats to all the fuzzy creatures of the world, until only one was left
civ1: her own house
civ1: weary but filled with satisfaction and cheer, kitty alighted on the roof of her home and slid down the chimney
civ1: leaving the presents at the tree, she tiptoed into her parents' room, and--stifling a yawn--shouted "PRESENTS!"
civ1: she and her family had a happy christmas morning, with her parents never suspecting the reason for her exhaustion
civ1: then lord voldefox swooped in and devoured their souls
civ1: the end
civ1: once upon a time, in the land of fuzzy creatures, there lived a rabbit named sox
civ1: he was so named because he was a black rabbit with white "socks" on his paws
civ1: he enjoyed hopping around, searching for carrots, and prancing through the meadows chasing butterflies
civ1: sox didn't have very many friends, and he could never understand why, because he had a lot of energy and tried to be friendly with everyone
civ1: one spring day. during the spring renewal celebration, sox was hopping around searching for eggs to exchange at the celebration that evening, as is traditional
civ1: in the distance, he heard a keening cry, as of another fuzzy creature crying. he hopped over toward the sound and saw something he didn't expect: a baby walrus
civ1: "what is a walrus doing this far from the sea?" he asked himself
civ1: the baby walrus was several times sox's size, so he couldn't carry it. there seemed to be nothing he could do.
civ1: SCREE
civ1: sox leaped up at the sound, instinctively attempting to avoid the eagle he knew must be swooping at that moment
civ1: the stooping bird missed him by inches, grabbing the baby walrus instead
civ1: it flapped furiously, trying to get off the ground as sox watched, aghast
civ1: the bird flew a short distance into the air, then came crashing down and didn't move again
civ1: sox cautiously hopped over and examined the motionless eagle, and discovered it had snapped its neck
civ1: "how horrible," sox thought to himself sadly. "a day of renewal, and everything is dying, even this baby walrus."
civ1: a shadow passed over sox, and he looked up in fright....which turned to terror when he realized it was the old wizard Flabbergast
civ1: "a pity." the wizard intoned. "this is a day for life and renewal."
civ1: "yes," sox replied, choking back sobs. "can you help them?"
civ1: the wizard stared off into the distance, thinking deeply. "yes, i believe something can be done."
civ1: he waved his hands over the dead creatures, and they stirred
civ1: "braiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssssssss"
civ1: sox fled as quickly as he could from the newly risen zombies, but was shortly blocked by a river and set upon by the two fuzzy zombies, which ripped his intestines out through his throat
civ1: then lord voldefox swooped in and devoured their souls
civ1: the end
civ1: once upon a time, in the land of fuzzy creatures there lived a skelly named flippy
civ1: he was called flippy because he liked to do backflips into the bone pits
civ1: one day, flippy was partway through a backflip when he spied something odd: a flying tiger
civ1: he was so distracted, he landed and broke his backbone
civ1: he had to lie there for days, terrified, until someone came by and picked him up...but he was paralyzed for the rest of his days
civ1: flippy sank into a deep depression, not even bothering to crawl
civ1: you see, skellies haven't invented wheelchairs
civ1: he wished for death, but as an undead, he couldn't die
civ1: many years later, flippy was jealously watching young skellies do backflips when he spied the flying tiger again
civ1: screaming in rage, he threw things at the tiger until it came down
civ1: "why are you angry?" the tiger asked, confused
civ1: "becuase you're the reason i'm paralyzed!" flippy screamed in rage
civ1: "no, you're paralyzed because you're a clumsy idiot," the tiger said sadly
civ1: then lord voldefox swooped in and devoured their souls
civ1: the end